i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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