Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
