Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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