I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
