You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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