i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
