I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
