my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
