Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
