it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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