Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
