What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is Oprah even human
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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