Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
