epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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