I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nutella sex= disaster
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
