How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
