I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
