I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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