I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
