i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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