I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
