it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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