Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
