Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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