And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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