so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
