I bet he comes in French.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
