I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All the doctor said was why
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
