she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize