I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
