Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
