I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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