Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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