If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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