If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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