I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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