1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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