My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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