ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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