if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
