I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
