To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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