i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
