His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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