Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
