My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
