My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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