omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
