around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
