u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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