I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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