woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
