xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
