I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
