mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
