Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
