i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
