I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
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Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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