oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
