I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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