So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
