Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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