Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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