Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
