If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish you could order shots online.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
