If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
