He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
